Well, the more I learn of God the more confused I get and the more I am convinced that He can't hear me or that He isn't listening. Dad didn't make it to my baptism despite my prayers for him to not feel sick from chemo: yeah thanks god. However Dad did come to my graduation :)..He managed to shift his last chemo to the day after it. It felt ace having him there :). Unfortunately though Dad was unable to have the chemo on the wednesday because his blood count was too low. So he was booked in for the week later. This time he had the chemo but it was awful. My prayers again weren't answered. I don't believe that God is ignoring this but He certainly doens't appear to be doing anything. My Dad feels awful and I just want God to do something. I'm finding it irritating when people tell me that God is good blah blah blah, especially when they go off their heads at Him when simple things don't go their way. I don't think they realise how heart-breaking and gut-wrenching it is to see your Dad being slowly killed by a disgusting vermin of a disease. And it's even harder knowing that nothing medically will save him. Unless God breaks in my Dad won't be free from this cancer. Where are You God?????????
I'm going to a new church too. I'm not convinced by it but some of the people I have met so far seem friendly, so I'll see what happens. Apparently the pastor's son was healed from cancer. So now I get to hear even more about God healing every other person and not my Dad, as though knowing that God heals some people and not others will bring some form of comfort to me...well it doesn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And being told that God is good and works things for all good doesn't help either because at the end of the day, actions speak louder than words and so far in this healing my Dad of cancer, God's actions are not speaking great volumes. However, at the same time as me thinking this, there is something in me that is begging me not to give up on God. That He is doing something but it will be gradual. I don't want to lose my Dad and I don't want cancer to steal him away from us. It all sucks and my Dad does not deserve this. It all hurts and I just wish I could know for certain that God is hearing me and that He has His hand in this because thinking that He hasn't is terrifying. Come on God: do something !!!!
