So I figured I should write again. It has been an exceptionally long time since the last time I wrote. I'm not sure how life has gone on but it has. It will be two years this July since Dad was taken from us. All the people who state that time is a healer and that the feeling gets better in time are wrong. time doesn't heal. It doesn't get easier and the pain does not lessen. What time does is it gives you no option but to find a way to adapt and change to the new feeling. It gives you no option but to find a new way of getting through the day. It hurts as much today as it did all those months ago. There is such a huge whole in the family it is quite hard to explain. It just isn't the same.
Lots has happened since Dad died, which is why the title of this blog is "life really does go on." We have learned that. Even when you think the world should stop. It doesn't. Life goes on regardless of the tragedies or pain. It just goes on and we have no choice but to get swept along with it.
There have been some very happy moments, which makes me feel guilty because I don't think I should feel happiness ever again. My younger brother became a Dad. My big brother graduated from university with a first degree and I got engaged! I have also bought a house with Luke this very week! These are some great things that have happened and I am happy, but at the same time it is gutting to know that Dad hasn't seen any of it. It is unfair knowing this. Sometimes I forget that he wasn't here for these momentous occasions and hat hurts more than I can describe in words. My Dad won't be walking me down the aisle or giving me away. I won't get to hear his father of the bride speech or see his face when he sees me in my dress! I won't get to show him our new home. Dad didn't even see the home that I am currently living in with Luke. How unfair is life? Yet with this unfairness comes many things that I can be grateful for and it is these things that I thank God for. It is these things that reminds me that God hasn't forgotten us.
So where does God fit into life and Cancer? I honestly don't know. He didn't heal my Dad like he was suppose to. So I don't know. I haven't given up though because life will be full of tragedies and pain, and it is important to have faith.
