Cancer sucks

Cancer sucks. It really does. There is no way to describe how this feels. This is something that you never believe will happen to you - it's something that other people will have or have to deal with. I hate watching the cancer advertisements and seeing the cancer shops and macmillan campaigns everywhere because it makes me have to think about what is happening and I don't want to think about it. I don't like change and I certainly don't like this change. My tyre went flat the other day and I couldn't get Dad to change it because his shoulder isn't strong enough anymore. That was a smack in the face with reality and what will happen one day. I'm not sure if I am strong enough to go through my NQT year and this. But I don't really have a choice. I kinda just have to get on with it. I keep praying to God. I think he hears me. Dad is still here against the odds so God must be hearing me. I thought about the option of there not being a God. If there isn't a God then I don't think I want to live in this world, because without God there is just life without hope. This situation, this beating the cancer requires hope. Hope that this can be beaten. Hope that my Dad will be cured. Hope that this is not the end. I much prefer a world where even shitty bad things can be turned round for good. That even in the darkest of times, there is light, there is hope: there is God.