I can't remember the last thing that I posted. Life moves so fast and one day quickly becomes a week and then a month and before you know it...time has escaped.
My dad isn't receiving anymore treatment despite the cancer now, 'behaving aggressively' and there being a build up of fluid. Mum is now on sabatical leave to spend her time with Dad. Dad is also now on oxygen to help him with his breathing because the cancer has pretty much consumed the lung.
I feel shattered. I hate seeing my dad on the oxygen and I hate not being able to do anything when he is screaming in pain. I just wish this wasn't happening. :( I just wish this would all go away so I can have my Dad back. He's starting to look as though he is losing weight. I looked at a picture of us from before we found out about all of this and he looks wuite different. It's scary seeing the change.
I don't like what is coming either. I know there is no point stressing over the future because it is not here at the moment but when I see dad on one of his bad days, all I can think of is how much worse it's going to get. I know things will get worse. I know there will be more pain and I know that there is nothing I can do to protect him. God is erm...well I'm not sure what he's doing at the moment. I do know that considering we had a rubbish prognosis, my Dad is still here with us and still doing things on good days.
Life just goes so quickly...I want it to slow down so that we have loads of time with Dad. I can't imagine our family without him. I don't know how Mum will cope. I hope she will keep going but I don't know if she will. There are far too many, 'I don't knows!!'
