It's just too crazy to comprehend

I've just been on the meso care on facebook and looked at a link that was posted about asbestos in Australia. It's scary to know that so any people just don't get the devastating effects of this substance. It only takes ONE FIBRE!!! I met a guy in the phone shop that had recently removed his dad's roof that had asbestos fibres in it and he hadn't worn the appropriate safety stuff. There needs to be a greater awareness of this disease. People need to understand that this is a fatal substance. It's a nasty, vial substance that has and will continue to kill people.

The more I look into mesothelioma and read patients stories, I realise how lucky my Dad is. God may not be healing him instantly but if you view the stories of others; technically my Dad shouldn't be here now. Yet he is here and is doing alright! :).. He has one more chemo session left and then we wait and see. I actually don't know what happens next or what will happen but I don't feel as though he will be leaving us anytime soon. I pray that this is not a false feeling. There are some stories of people surviving years with this! My Dad is going to be the first one cured. That's my goal.

My Dad will hopefully be well enough to come to my baptism on Sunday. I was hoping he would come earlier so that he can be prayed for. I trying to get enough courage to pray for him myself but I have this stupid fear of doing it wrong. Even though you can't get it wrong because God hears our hearts and so He'll know what we are trying to do. It's just quite scary to offer prayer to my Dad.

Before I found out about Dad's cancer, I had become a Christian. I remember telling my Mum and Dad this. They thought it was just a phase I was going through and weren't particularly impressed. I think they were worried that I was going to be brain-washed. I'm scared of that too though, which I think makes me question lots of what happens. Anyway, I was thinking about my baptism and how before all of this, I would have been quite nervous about inviting them to it. But I wasn't nervous about asking them. I really hope people pray for my Dad and that he lets them! God heals all the time so I don't see why He won't heal this. I love my Dad sooo much! He is the best. It just isn't right that he has this. It isn't right that this is happening to him. Come on God do something!!!!!

Preparing to be baptised

So I am now preparing to be baptised. This involves giving a testimony [an account] of what my lifw was like before becoming a Christian, how I became a Christian and what my life is like now. Hmm... When I first became a Christian and before my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but all that has changed now. Before I would have spoken about how God had begun to heal my heart from all the rubbish guys I'd had the misfortune of being with. I would have talked about how I was beginning to see that jumping from relationship to relationship wasn't filling this longing in my heart and how things had started to change. But then everything was tipped upside down and inside out.

Living with God, knowing your Dad has an incurable by man cancer is flipping hard work! Sometimes it's just so hard and confusing to understand. Sometimes it feels as though, the more I learn of how loving and good God is, the more angry I become at the fact my Dad hasn't been healed of this vile thing. Other times, living with God has given me an unseeable, undescribable strength to have hope that this isn't the end. That there can be a chance that this will be healed and my Dad will live a long and healthy life. I don't want to stand up and talk about the healing of my heart since becoming a Christian because honestly, that appears to have been put on hold. I want to say how it hasn't been easy and that if I had found out about the cancer before becoming a Christian, I probably wouldn't have become one. But do I regret becoming one? Would I change my mind? Well throughout the months I have been angry and I have thrown it all back, but I came back and I want this for the rest of my life. Why? because I can honestly say that without God I'm not sure how I would have managed completing my course with a good degree classification, or with searching for a job and finding one, or with where I was going to live or how I was going to turn away from my tendency to seek acceptance and love from the wrong guys. It's as though, this past few months, I haven't been walking this journey with God but more carried. Coming to the end of your course is a huge life change, but I don't feel as though all these changes have taken me away from my family, because things just kept turning out ok. I didn't do this on my own. I know that. I feel as though God has definitely played a part in my life to get me through this last year. So that is why I want to be baptised. I want to demonstrate that even though I know it isn't a smooth ride and it may get worse, I'm comitted to this just as God is comitted to me. :)

So that is kind of what I want to talk about but I don't think that is what is wanted. I don't feel changed as such since becoming a Christian. I just feel as though I'm not alone, there's someone nudging me forwards even when I don't think I can move.

I'm hopinh my Dad will be able to come to my Baptism. He said he will but it depends on how well he is. His 5th chemo is on Monday. I pray that it is working and that God is giving some extra help.

Love you Dad xXx