Everything is so crazy and thinga aren't really getting any easier. I don't understand. Where is God?? Dad is still in a lot of pain. This is beginning to be a bit of a problem. It's hard to believe that on the 18th January this year it had been a year since Dad's operation. This time last year we weren't sure if we'd be sharing this year with him. So I am really thankful that we are. I just wish that he wasn't in so much pain. The doctors told him the other week that he was on enough sedatives to kill an adult rhino and they were amazed that he was still breathing! WTF?!!!?? Surely they should have noticed what they were all giving him? I hate seeing Dad in pain. It hurts because there is absolutely nothing I can do. He is on controlled drugs, tens machine and acupuncture, and other pain killers. During the day time he is in pain but it is manageable. It is night times that are the worse. I hate hearing him cry in pain. It isn't right and he doesn't deserve this. My dad has worked bloody hard for us his entire life and now he is being punished for working so hard.
I've been attempting a bible reading thingy everyday [give or take a couple of days!] and so far each day has spoken about seeing God's work in all situations and having faith that He is good and that His hand is in even the worse of situations [coincidental?!?]. It has also mentioned a lot about these situations being allowed into our lives to try to strenthen our faith [or as the devil would like to do..disprove it.] Erm...not sure how to explain that. I'll try. Job had to face lots of crap and when I first read that in the old testament I didn't want to read anymore. Basically, the devil said to God, "Job is only so devoted to you because you have given him so much, but I bet he wouldn't have such faith if the situation was different." And God said..."uh-huh...I know you're wrong but play away.." So the devil did and he stripped everything from Job and sent lots of rubbish stuff his way. This is pretty shit..Job lost those he loved. I stopped reading anymore because I was angry that God would allow the devil to play such games and that God allowed harm to happen [especially as He is suppose to be a Father that protects us]. However, I had to re- read it this time because of my dumbass new years resolution to read the bible more often...which is when it occured to me that although lots of crap happend to Job, God still had control. God only allowed things to happen that Job could cope with [and sometimes this required doing it WITH God], and although there were some iffy moments in Job's faith...ultimately Job's faith was strengthened in God. Lots of people [me included] love God when things are going well and when it is easy to pick out the good in life. They have faith in God when it is easy to see God's hand in it. However, this world is a mess and broken and there is crap in it. God won't save us from it all because we [Adam and Eve being the knobs that they are] chose it to be this way. Sometimes we have to keep fighting to see God and sometimes we just have to cling to the fact that God is good and that He is in it. Sometimes we just have to keep taking taking those steps forwards and have faith that God is taking them with us. I think that is the point at the moment. ~Just having faith and clinging to it~
