Preparing to be baptised

So I am now preparing to be baptised. This involves giving a testimony [an account] of what my lifw was like before becoming a Christian, how I became a Christian and what my life is like now. Hmm... When I first became a Christian and before my Dad was diagnosed with cancer, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but all that has changed now. Before I would have spoken about how God had begun to heal my heart from all the rubbish guys I'd had the misfortune of being with. I would have talked about how I was beginning to see that jumping from relationship to relationship wasn't filling this longing in my heart and how things had started to change. But then everything was tipped upside down and inside out.

Living with God, knowing your Dad has an incurable by man cancer is flipping hard work! Sometimes it's just so hard and confusing to understand. Sometimes it feels as though, the more I learn of how loving and good God is, the more angry I become at the fact my Dad hasn't been healed of this vile thing. Other times, living with God has given me an unseeable, undescribable strength to have hope that this isn't the end. That there can be a chance that this will be healed and my Dad will live a long and healthy life. I don't want to stand up and talk about the healing of my heart since becoming a Christian because honestly, that appears to have been put on hold. I want to say how it hasn't been easy and that if I had found out about the cancer before becoming a Christian, I probably wouldn't have become one. But do I regret becoming one? Would I change my mind? Well throughout the months I have been angry and I have thrown it all back, but I came back and I want this for the rest of my life. Why? because I can honestly say that without God I'm not sure how I would have managed completing my course with a good degree classification, or with searching for a job and finding one, or with where I was going to live or how I was going to turn away from my tendency to seek acceptance and love from the wrong guys. It's as though, this past few months, I haven't been walking this journey with God but more carried. Coming to the end of your course is a huge life change, but I don't feel as though all these changes have taken me away from my family, because things just kept turning out ok. I didn't do this on my own. I know that. I feel as though God has definitely played a part in my life to get me through this last year. So that is why I want to be baptised. I want to demonstrate that even though I know it isn't a smooth ride and it may get worse, I'm comitted to this just as God is comitted to me. :)

So that is kind of what I want to talk about but I don't think that is what is wanted. I don't feel changed as such since becoming a Christian. I just feel as though I'm not alone, there's someone nudging me forwards even when I don't think I can move.

I'm hopinh my Dad will be able to come to my Baptism. He said he will but it depends on how well he is. His 5th chemo is on Monday. I pray that it is working and that God is giving some extra help.

Love you Dad xXx