The beginning

Okay, so I have never written one of these in my entire life but figured I'd give it a go now. My name is Dee. Yes it is short for something but you can call me Dee. I have a habit of attracting the wrong guys, getting far too drunk and generally not knowing what I want to be in life. I know I want to travel but that's about it. I've always thought that I respected myself but looking back at the situations I ended up in and the reasons for this, I discovered that my opinioon of myself was actually much lower. After a string of horrible relationships with guys I should never have got involved with I bumped into a friend heading to an alpha course. This is where I met Steve Wilson. I attended four alpha course, each time delcaring that it wasn't for me. Then somehow I became a Christian at the end of September 2009 (apparently you can't really win a fight with God...I have tried many times!!) Things did not go well the first week of being a Christian and they were not all happy go lucky either; this is apparently because stepping into God's light rather annoys the enemy. Not so sure on my thoughts about that. I have many many questions with regards to God etc. However, after attending 'the father of the heart' conference beginning of oct 09 I was feeling quite good and renewed. I thought things were finally on the up and that God really did exist and He really did love me :)

Then came a phonecall. I remember my Dad phoning to tell me that he had fluid on his lungs and the doctors said there was a small chance of it being caused by cancer but that it was probaly just an infection. I prayed so hard for it to be just an infection. It turns out that the personal loving God didn't hear that one. My Dad was diagnosed with mesothelioma October 2009 and my life took a whole new turn. Mesothelioma is a cancer caused through contact with asbestos. It's an evil incurable disease and I hate that my Dad has it. He doesn't deserve this. It makes no sense as to why this would be put on to him. What sort of a God does that? Through these few months I have written down how I have felt and God's work or lack of in some cases and for some unknown reason, I have decided to now blog this on here. I will do them as new entries but they were written a few months ago.